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7 Reasons Why Wine is like Women

After drinking a particularly rigid bottle of 2005 Barolo, someone said the wine reminded them of their mother. We all started laughing and our conversation quickly deteriorated into a game to see how many similarities we could find between wine and women. The following are the 7 Hilarious Similarities Between Wine and Women.
Pin Up Girl Made Up Wine Label Pinot Noir

1. So Many To Choose From

Like women, there is a sea of wine styles and types to choose from. Want to giggle all night long? Get a bottle of bubbles. Looking for a warm and inviting evening? A Merlot should be in tow. Interested in being challenged and told what to do? Find yourself a bottle of Barolo and get ready for the chewy tannins. Want something sexy and cheap? Malbec.

2. The Good Ones Are Taken

Sometimes in love the best things are worth waiting for. In the case of wine, it might mean you pine for a wine that’s already highly allocated. Wine is not a homogeneous market, so when something gets popular, it also gets scarce. For these special wines you’ll have to commit to a wine club and possibly a waiting list. For instance Sea Smoke, a Santa Rta. Hills Pinot Noir, has a waiting list that runs about 5,000 strong. Get ready to fight for what you want.

3. Costs You an Arm and a Leg

Getting into wine is a high investment. There are substantial quality bumps as you go from a $10 wine to a $20, $40, $60 and so on. Many people feel that a wine that costs over $100 is just a gratuitous trophy. While on the other hand, you can get a lot more from a $40 bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon than a $10 bottle. Why do we spend more to have great wine? Let’s find out:

  • High quality grapes are expensive. Cabernet Sauvignon from Rutherford in Napa costs upwards of $8,000 per ton of grapes. A ton of grapes makes about ~60 cases of wine. Meaning the grapes alone cost as much as $11.50 a bottle.
  • High quality unused oak barrels. Some wine barrels shipped from France can cost $4,000 per barrel. A barrel makes about 24 cases, that’s another $13.75 a bottle.
  • If your wine is in a bottle with a cork and a label, just tag on another $3 a bottle for good measure.

4. Some Age More Gracefully Than Others

You find a stunner of a wine and invest in a whole case. After about a year or so, you open a bottle only to discover that it’s not as great as you remember. Most wines on the market do not cellar well. The wines that do age well are often awkward for several years, maybe even a little rough around the edges initially.

5. Prefer a Safe Stable Home

Like *ahem* some women, wine likes to nest. Wine doesn’t want to be touched, moved, harassed, overheated, over-chilled or left unappreciated. Long term aging of wines requires the utmost care and is often left to professionals to manage. Even when you open a bottle of wine to enjoy, there is a socially acceptable technique that requires some skill. It’s even possible to subdue a volatile bottle of Champagne with a delicate touch and a little confidence.

6. Exotics Are Intimidating But Domestics Are Less Exciting

Exotic wines are exciting because they are a snap shot to an unfamiliar part of the world. While the unfamiliarity is exciting, many foreign wines are an acquired taste. Finding the reason to enjoy each different wine flavor is one of the more challenging parts of learning about wine. For this reason, people tend to stick to what they already know and like. Since most wine drinkers start their journey into wine with domestics, this is where our loyalty lies.

some young punks wine pinup girl wine label
Some Young Punks. Aussie Wine.

7. Tastes Evolve as You Grow Up

Your tastes will evolve as you continue to explore and try new wines. At first a voluptuous Malbec may seduce you, but eventually you might find yourself falling for a graceful Riesling that teases your palate and challenges your senses. It’s just part of your journey through wine. You will likely have some favorites but your tastes will fluctuate from day-to-day over time.

Bonus: Good For Your Health

Wine is good for your happiness. The anthocyanins in wine have great heart-health benefits (found in red/blue fruits). Wine in moderation has shown to reduce stress, especially after a long day! However don’t overdue it or you will make your head hurt. Take your time with wine, you’ve got your whole life to enjoy it.

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